HELP! My toddler is delaying bedtime till no end!

(for families with children 2 years and up)

As a Certified Gentle Sleep Coach®, I come across a lot of cases where toddlers stall and delay bedtime; as a mother, I also experience it firsthand! It's important to know that bedtime delays are a common phase and often a way toddlers assert control or express emotions indirectly.

To troubleshoot toddlers delaying bedtime, it is essential to understand the underlying causes—such as separation anxiety, overstimulation, testing boundaries, or an improperly timed sleep schedule—and implement consistent, mindful strategies to address them. Establishing a predictable routine, optimizing sleep environment, and setting clear boundaries can significantly reduce bedtime resistance.​

Common Causes of Bedtime Delay

Toddlers often delay bedtime due to developmental and emotional factors. Separation anxiety is common for those in their own bedrooms, as children become aware of being apart from caregivers and may fear being alone at night. Their vivid imaginations can blur the line between reality and fantasy, increasing nighttime fears. Additionally, toddlers may resist sleep due to fear of missing out on family activities, especially if they see others still awake and engaged.​

Another major factor is testing limits, a normal part of asserting independence. Refusing to go to bed allows toddlers to explore control over their environment. Overstimulation from screens or energetic play close to bedtime can also make it difficult for them to wind down, as bright lights suppress melatonin production. Finally, inappropriate timing—either bedtime being too early or too late relative to nap duration—can disrupt sleep readiness.​

Effective Bedtime Strategies

1. Mastering the Bedtime Routine

A consistent and calming bedtime routine is crucial for signaling that it’s time to sleep.

Experts recommend a 30–45 minute wind-down period free of screens, filled with quiet activities, like:

• storybook reading,

• puzzles, or non-battery powered toy play

• simple conversations about the day

• avoiding screen time (screen time suppresses melatonin levels!)

Timing bedtime appropriately can also aid sleep onset, as overtired children will have heightened levels of cortisol (stress hormone) that can impact one’s ability to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Dimming the lights during this time can also support natural melatonin release, aiding sleep onset.​

2. Optimizing Sleep Environment and Schedule

Ensure the sleep environment is conducive to rest: a dark room, white noise, and a red or amber night light (which minimally affects melatonin) can enhance comfort and security. Transitional objects like a favorite stuffed animal or blanket provide emotional support during separation.​

Evaluate the child’s nap schedule, as an overly long or late nap can delay nighttime sleep. If a toddler takes a two- to three-hour nap, they may not be ready for bed until six or more hours later. In some cases, transitioning away from naps may be necessary to consolidate nighttime sleep.​

3. Setting and Maintaining Boundaries

visual schedule/routine chart

A visual schedule/routine chart creates predictability in the schedule and minimizes resistance. (Visual aids work especially well for S.E.N. children, as well as neurotypical children) _rinted photographs of themselves doing the routine; or having a checkbox to go along with the visual schedule helps them understand what the expectations are with consistency.

verbal heads-up

Giving a verbal heads-up help toddlers mentally prepare for transitions within the schedule. For example, giving a one-minute warning before starting the routine, or allowing the child to stop a five-minute timer, gives them a sense of control and reduces resistance. When met with resistance, however, it is important to follow through with warm understanding that it is tough!

A or B?

Offering limited choices, such as picking between two pajama sets or three bedtime books, empowers the child without enabling stalling tactics.​

Eg. “I know it is tricky when you still want to play… but it is time to change into pajamas now. Would you like your Teddy Bear pajamas or the Mickey Mouse one?”

Sleep manners

Regularly going through sleep manners can also help with setting clear boundaries and expectations for your child. Like table manners, sleep manners are important for us as parents to explicitly share what the etiquette is surrounding sleep. Eg. keeping your eyes closed, mouth quiet, and staying in bed.

Remember: Clear, consistent boundaries are key. Once the routine ends, avoid negotiations or repeated returns to the room. If the child gets up, calmly and briefly guide them back, reinforcing that it’s time to sleep. This may involve gentle sleep training methods, which teach self-soothing and independent sleep.​

3. keeping our own expecations realistic

Sometimes, the most important part within our parenting journey is to contain and manage our own emotions. Often times, we get triggered by certain behaviors that we see in our children, and we struggle to stay calm in the heat of the moment. While a lot of our reactions and expectations may come from our own upbringing and cultural backgrounds, it is important to be informed about where your developing child’s brain is at, and what executive functioning skills they are capable of.

When we have the expectation that tantrums are developmentally normal - perhaps we can also look at them differently. Tantrums are not necessarily a fire to be put out as soon as possible, but a learning opportunity — for your child, and also for you as the parent. With this mindset, it’ll become something we can sit with for longer, and something we are more capable with enduring. As someone who has sat through 3-hour-long tantrums as an ABA Therapist for toddlers on the spectrum, I can tell you that it is TOUGH, but not impossible. When you meet your tantruming child with calm firmness, confidence and faith, I promise you will see light at the end of the tunnel.

4. When to Seek Help

If bedtime struggles persist despite consistent efforts, it may be helpful to consult a professional advice. A personalized plan can address specific challenges based on the child’s age, temperament, and family dynamics. Many parents find relief through structured support, especially during phases of sleep regression.

Good luck!

Written on Oct 23, 2025 by Robynn Yip