To Sleep train or not to sleep train?
Should You Sleep Train Your Baby? Understanding Your Options
As a Gentle Sleep Coach, my immediate answer is: Not before 6 months, and not if you believe Cry-It-Out (CIO) is your only choice—because it’s not. A more nuanced response, however, is yes—when approached mindfully. I prefer the term "sleep coaching" over "training," as this process is about helping your baby develop the skill of independent sleep, not enforcing behavioral control.
This guide will walk you through sleep science fundamentals and the three primary sleep coaching methods, empowering you to choose the right approach—and timing—for your family. Despite the overwhelming information online, all sleep training techniques fall into three main categories:
Extinction (Cry It Out / CIO)
Modified Extinction (Ferber Method)
Fading Techniques (The Shuffle / Chair Method, Pick-up Put-down, etc.)
The Problem with Traditional Sleep Training
When most parents hear "sleep training," they think of Cry-It-Out (CIO)—leaving a baby alone to cry without intervention—or the Ferber Method, which involves timed check-ins. While these methods can work, they often lead to prolonged crying, parental stress, and (believe it or not) inconsistent results.
An increasing amount of experts like developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld warns that leaving babies to cry themselves to sleep can disrupt parent-child attachment, and research has also shown heightened cortisol levels in babies not just during, but even AFTER a Cry-It-Out episode. When we ignore their cries, we might miss underlying needs—whether it’s discomfort (e.g., a wet diaper, room temperature), developmental changes, or even medical issues. Even "successful" CIO cases often backfire during sleep regressions, forcing families to restart the exhausting process.
A Gentler Alternative: The Shuffle Method
Research shows that gradual, responsive methods (like The Shuffle) are just as effective as CIO or Ferber—without the distress (Honaker & Meltzer, 2014). Developed by Kim West, LCSW ("The Sleep Lady"), this method focuses on phased parental withdrawal:
Start by sitting near the crib, offering intermittent patting and shushing.
Gradually move further away every few nights until you’re outside the door.
Pick up to calm if your baby is hystercal, but always place baby back drowsy yet awake, without falling asleep in your arms.
This approach works for bedtime, naps, and night wakings—and can be adapted for room-sharing or floor beds.
When to Start Sleep Coaching
4–5 months? A few babies show readiness, but most need more time.
6+ months? Begin only if your pediatrician confirms baby is ready.
It is important to note that research on Cry-It-Out has not been done to infants under 6 months of age, so if you do attempt sleep coaching your babies, make sure you try gentler methods first!
Can I Avoid Sleep Training Altogether?
There is no promise, but it is always beneficial to create good habits from the beginning with Baby-Led Sleep Shaping techniques:
✔ Modifying the environment to make it conducive to sleep (eg. using white noise, black-out curtains, make sure diaper bin is cleaned and odor-free)
✔ Regulating sleep schedules (eg. morning wakeup, consistent bedtimes) based on your infant's unique sleep patterns and sleep science
✔ Avoiding overstimulation in the late afternoon (keep play time and stimulating flashy toys outside of the crib!)
✔ Having a consistent, and soothing bedtime routine
✔ Avoiding feeding your baby to sleep from as early as possible
✔ Trying to place your baby into the crib drowsy but awake
Final Thoughts
Sleep coaching isn’t one-size-fits-all. If you choose to guide your baby toward independent sleep, prioritize gentle, responsive methods that strengthen—not strain—your bond. And remember: You know your child best.
If you would like personalized advice for your baby’s sleep challenges — Know that I’m happy to help.
